Monday, August 29, 2011

Tips for Counseling

Hello leaders:


The email below is my response to the "wife's" email.  She asked me to counsel her and her husband.   I asked her to send me an email briefly describing their situation, copying her husband so that WE ALL are on the same page.   The email correspondence helps me to prepare spiritually and mentally to better serve those I counsel, making the best use of our time.


By the way - she sent me 4 (honest) pages describing her situation and she copied her husband.


Let's always pray, trusting the Holy Spirit to be The Counselor, Teacher, Conviction... leading us in truth as leaders, to be used to help set captives free!


Love,
Rod


... Foremost, you are both in my prayers, as we prepare to meet.  It is in my heart to support and assist you both, your marriage – the best I know how to.  I am believing that God will be honored and the center of our time together.

PLEASE KNOW that all that you write, and our meeting will be CONFIDENTIAL.

(husband)
So you know my heart.  I too, am a husband (26 years) and a father of 3 teens (19,17,15).  I am NOT perfect, but trusting God to mold and shape me as a husband and father.  My heart is open to learning and growing, so I can become more like Christ.  I know this all sounds very “Christian” but it is my true hearts desire – and I just wanted you to know that I face some of the same kinds of struggles you face as a man, husband and father.

From my heart and words, I wanted you to know that I asked (wife) to share whatever she could to help me pray and prepare in my fellowship with you both.  I did ask her to copy you so that you both/and we are on the same page (of sharing and info).  I will be as objective and Christ centered as I know to be, as I serve you and your wife in our time together.

To both of you – some of my thoughts and perspective, so you know my approach and heart as a shepherd.

  • I really like to be transparent – you can ask me any question about my life, relationship, etc.  I will be as honest as I know to be – for the sake of healing, health, helping...  I’ve failed, faltered and have many faults and faulty experiences – that God has and is using to transform my life. I NEED JESUS! :)
  • I ask people I counsel:  Do you consider me one of your pastors?  This is helps me to understand the possible commitment of the people I counsel – whether they are open, willing, receptive to my counsel.  It is important for people to have spiritual covering (church leadership, mentors, spiritual fathers/mothers...) - people that you both respect, will listen to and follow their guidance.
  • As open, honest, truthful people can be with their situation, will affect the potential for Biblical resolution and restoration.  But share what you are comfortable sharing.  I will ask leading, pressing questions as I am led to – but you always decide what and how much you want to share.  I will respect the boundaries you have.
  • I will ask:  What is the goal of our time together?  What is the goal for your relationship?  This will help me determine what’s in your heart and how to approach our time together.

I’m NOT asking you to email me answers to these questions.  I just wanted to prep you since I received this correspondence from (wife).

You are in my prayers and I look forward to our time of fellowship and counsel.

With aloha,
Rod

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